Mortality

Have you ever had someone (or maybe a few someone's) in your life that, even though you knew better, you thought they would always be around? I have two "someone's"...Nana and Papa. They have always been the two constants in my life. The two people that have always been there for me no matter what. The saying for me when I was growing was "when the going gets tough, the tough go to Nana & Papa!"

Whenever times were hard, they were there. It never mattered what was happening, they were always there with a helping hand...or firm hand if that's what needed to be given! I was with them so much when I was a little girl. They would take me camping with them to Balch Park or over to Morro Bay. Nana would take me shopping with her. Papa would always teach me silly songs in the car. He taught me how to fish too.

Nana has always said that, even now, I have Papa wrapped around my little finger! You know what? She's right! :)

But you know what else? No matter what, everyone gets older...and they get more frail. Both of my grandparents have had to confront their own mortality in these past fews years. In June 2004, Papa had a heart attack on the golf course and had to be airlifted by helicopter to Seattle. He ended up with a 5-way bypass and a valve replacement. Papa came out of it very well and became even more healthy than he already was. But then a few years later his doctors found that he had very limited circulation in one of his carotid arteries. With medication he's come through that pretty well.

This year feels like it's the downhill slope and I can't help but be fearful. This year Papa has started to have short-term memory loss. Enough so that he doesn't drive anymore, or at least an extreme limited distance. This has kept him from doing a lot of the things that has always been a part of him. It hurts more than you could know to hear about all of this from 1000 miles away. It hurts even more knowing that there's nothing I can do about it.

Nana has been having problems with her knees for a while and she's had surgery a few times. This year she has developed the beginning stages of emphysema. It took a while, but her doctors seem to have a good medication regimen for her so she's not having as many breathing issues. This year they have started to clean out the clutter in their house. Nana said that she doesn't want to leave a big mess for us to have to go through when they croak! (Her words, not mine!)

I worry for both of them and wonder what will happen if one goes before the other. Will the one surviving stay in Washington or move closer to family? I think about the huge loss and enormous void that will be felt in our family by either one of their passings. Having such an extremely small immediate family, I am fearful that I will feel a little more alone in this world.

To my Nana and Papa...I love you and appreciate you more than words can ever express!