Walking through the desert...

I used to be on fire for God. I say used to be because I haven't been for probably close to 2 years now. For months it's been excuse after excuse as to why I couldn't get to church on Sunday's...too tired...had to finish up homework...went out of town. The longer I didn't go the easier it became to not go at all. When I started back in college in May 2005, I felt that I had to give up being in choir because I wouldn't have the time to devote to it. For the first six months of school, that was true. I had a very difficult time keeping my head above water. Then in October 2006 I started a new job that came with a, somewhat, crazy work schedule. So I gave up being the supervisor in the Toddler room. Once I gave up working in the Toddler room, that was it for me. I'm pretty sure that up until 3 Sunday's ago, I could count on one hand how many services I had attended since the end of October last year.

I started a new job at the beginning of July that has normal work hours. Once all my friends found out about that, they all wanted to know when they were going to see me in church again. My cousin's had been asking me also. And so had God. I finally relented and went back 3 Sunday's ago. Talk about ripping off a band-aid! That first Sunday was rough, but I maintained my composure. Last Sunday was rough, I didn't maintain my composure. This Sunday...today...was by far the hardest day I've had in years. And, no, I didn't maintain my composure. Not only did I lose complete control, I broke out into ugly cry during Communion!

God is taking me through my desert right now, making me face myself and my transgressions. I know He will bring me through it...I know this is my head. My heart tells me otherwise. My heart tells me that I don't deserve to be loved by anyone, especially God. My heart tells me that I don't deserve forgiveness from anyone, especially God. I will be the first one to tell you that I don't know who the person is in the mirror staring back me. She is someone that I swore I would never become, and yet, I did.

Last night, someone loved me enough to confront me. They allowed God to work through them and to speak through them. It was very powerful for both of us. I was allowed to cry. I was prayed with and prayed over. I became a very broken person last night and let out a lot of emotion and anger. I know that I am not the same person today that I was when I woke up yesterday morning. I know that I won't be the same person tomorrow morning that I was when I woke up this morning. I know that soon enough, I will start to see foothills instead of just desert and that my shoulders won't feel as heavy from the burdens that I have been carrying.

To my wonderful friend...thank you for allowing God to speak through you and for loving me enough to confront me!

As we were sitting there last night, God put a special song on my heart. It was Take You Back by Jeremy Camp...

Take You Back

The reason why I stand
The answer lies in you
You hung to make me strong
Though my praise was few
When I fall and bring your name down

But I have found in you
A heart that pleads forgiveness
Replacing all these thoughts
Of painful memories
But I know
That your response will always be

(Chorus)
I'll take you back always
And even when your fight is over now
Even when your fight is over now
I'll take you back always
And even when the pain is coming through
Even when the pain is coming through
I'll take you back

You satisfy this cry
Of what I'm looking for
And I take all I can
And lay it down
Before the throne of endless grace, now
That radiates what's true

I'm in the only place
That erases all these faults
That have overtaken me
But I know
That your response will always be

(Repeat Chorus)

I can only speak
With a grateful heart
As I'm pierced by this gift
Of your love

I will always bring an offering
I can never thank you enough

You'll take me back always
And even when my fight is over now
Even when my fight is over now
You'll take me back always
And even when my pain is coming through
Even when my pain is coming through
You'll take me back always

Even when my fight is over now
Even when my fight is over now

You'll take me back always

Even when my pain is coming through
Even when my pain is coming through

You'll take me back

Psalm 23

A lot of you know Psalm 23, but...have you ever heard it recited by such a cute and sweet little girl?

Please check out this video and you'll see what I mean!

The Color Quiz

Maya took the free ColorQuiz.com personality test! "Wants to prove to herself and others that nothing ..." Click here to read the rest of the results.

Check out my results...definitely don't agree with a few things, but some of it is actually quite hilarious!

This was courtesy of NerdMom over at NerdFamily.

My Nana

She is one of the best people in the world. She has a heart of gold and would give you the shirt off her back. She is an awesome cook and makes great Snickerdoodle cookies. She has also been the one constant in my life that I knew I could always count on since the day I was born. She has been my caretaker, my comforter, my friend, my safety net. She and Papa would take me on vacation with them, they bought me school clothes, my first pair of eyeglasses when I was in high school, and my first car. While we may not see eye to eye on everything, I can not imagine what life would be like without her in it. Just the thought of her not being in this world makes my heart ache.

I found out about 6 weeks ago that she was diagnosed with Emphysema. I'll be honest...this scares the hell out of me. I don't know how advanced it is. I don't know what her prognosis is. What I do know is that the first few medications her doctor's have put her on, haven't worked for her...she is still struggling with coughing and being able to breathe normally. I also worry because she and Papa live 1000 miles away in Washington. We do have some other family up there, but no one that would be able to care for either of them should anything happen.

Nana is also not a Christian. If she does not come to Christ before she leaves this material world, I will never see her again. If you think about it, will you please pray for Nana? Pray for healing and pray for an open and seeking heart.

Kyle Busch and Tony Stewart teammates?!

If the rumors are true...KB's in and JJ Yeley is out at Joe Gibbs Racing. This means that Kyle Busch will now be teammates with Tony Stewart in the No. 20 and Denny Hamlin in the No. 11 with Kyle taking over the No. 18.

Personally, I like this for Kyle...I think he'll be a good fit at Gibbs and...I can hear April hollering at me now :) ... it'll be good for Kyle to have a teammate like Stewart. Yes, I'm very well aware of what a hot head Stewart is and has been in the past. That's just part of who he is and that's also part of who Kyle is.

This is the scenario I've wanted to see ever since I found out that Dale Jr. was going to Hendrick and Kyle was going to be out searching for a new ride!

I certainly feel bad for JJ Yeley and hope he gets a new ride very soon! I can't imagine what a NASCAR weekend would be without JJ's hottie self in a car!!!

You got it (the right stuff) - New Kids On the Block

Alright, I know you all know the words to this song...and I'm sure some of you (probably April!) know the dances moves too!

So turn up the volume...it's time to get your groove on! :)